Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
