He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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