I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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