My hair reeks of homosexuality.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
