Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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