he wants to bone in the snuggie
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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