so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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