I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize