My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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