Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
