WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We are two peas in an std pod
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
