I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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