Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
