i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
