Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
