Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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