My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
