he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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