You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
