Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
