I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
my liver is dry heaving
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
