shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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