Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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