im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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