My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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