the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Sober January is a disaster.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
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