Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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