I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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