ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize