oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
