I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
