Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
