jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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