I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
