Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize