omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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