Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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