i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
