oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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