Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
