I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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