There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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