Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
