watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
