ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
