chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
