gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
