even my farts smell like vagina
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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