Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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