Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
