Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Randomize
