sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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