Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
