I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
