He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
