Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you win again, gameday.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
