somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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