Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just found puke in my bra..
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Randomize
