so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
