I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
