rhymes with "ouble enetration"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
