He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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