Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
