It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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