I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
