hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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