my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize