remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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