The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
