Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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