Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize