do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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