Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
