did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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