i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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