my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
