I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize