is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
