i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
